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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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