My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
