My friends, they love my intelligence
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
