so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
