i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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