I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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