i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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