I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
