Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
