I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I want to make a zoo with you.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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