first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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