she was so not down for the gang bang
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
