wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
