he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize