I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just want nice things and good sex
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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