You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
