so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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