She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
