So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
