Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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