Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
