One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
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Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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