Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
