Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
