hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize