What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
