Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
