How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?