so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar