I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.