dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!