Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.