i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT