dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I can't trust your balls anymore.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm both gender and math confused
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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