it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i will never coherently bang her
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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