people are starting to question the shark bite story
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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