Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i believe in u and ur pee
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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