I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
