Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There's always time for handjobs
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
