i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
