I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
