If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
