u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
