saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
