i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
