even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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