need another drink. this is the easiest way
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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