He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
