Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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