based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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