So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
