ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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