lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
