he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize