We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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