So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
