Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
