when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
