In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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