Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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