it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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