how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
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They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
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Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.