two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight