Is that why you're texting me
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic