As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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