is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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