i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
