My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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