...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
