He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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